I get quite a lot of spam knocking on my door… for every lovely person who knocks and pops in for a cup of tea (or lately Nespresso) I tend to get a grubby little cold-caller.

Sometimes the spam I get is quite amusing, and if I find it sufficiently funny or just odd, I let it through to share with you all. More often than not, the spam is not very clever, or subtle, or nice. It is usually disguised in Russian, which is silly as some of my best friends on here are Russian (Dobri dien!!). Oh Lord, I hope that wasn’t Polish – I do get them terribly confused these days… Well, hello to you too, anyway. Still, the point is, I can still see what it is…

Most often, the cold-callers are transient beings, who take no for an answer quite calmly and then go on their way to knock on someone else’s door. But of late I have a persistent knocker… almost a stalker. Over the last two days he has knocked nearly 100 times. I have clicked on some of the links he has so thoughtfully provided. They are not pretty, engaging or stimulating.

So, dear, dear bob@gmail.com (who does not exist – how shady to use an alias), please go elsewhere: neither I nor my sweet, kind friends wish to see how an apple can be consumed in an orifice far far away from one’s mouth.