9.30am
Mr Dotty has ‘nipped out’ to B&Q to return a faulty saw. This would be like me ‘nipping out’ to have ‘quick coffee’ with a girlfriend. He has not taken the Wees with him. It is peeing down outside. My washing (most of the childrens’ clothes that I need to pack) is still on the line, now hanging perilously close to the ground (ungrassed mud).

11am
The Wees have seen me place a pair of trousers on the bed – overcome with excitement they have stripped off, placed their clothes in a pile and bounced all over the bed – singing ‘We’re going on holiday!!’ while the piles scatter.
In an attempt to keep them busy, I’ve asked them to bring through some clothes. So far we have: a Spiderman costume, a spider costume, a pirate costume, a Sportacus costume and one pair of pants.

11.20am
Mr Dotty has just called – he isn’t home yet (really?). He has bought a new saw. He has to take it to a friend’s farm, but he’ll be back in 10 minutes. He isn’t at the friend’s farm yet – and it is a 15 minute drive from there to here. He is also going to ‘nip in’ to the butcher to get some ham. I think he may have forgotten that we have quite an old-fashioned high street, and drive-thru shopping is not yet a feature. Hopefully we’ll see him by lunch-time.

11.40am
Wee2 has found the dustbin bag of old outgrown toys hidden at the back of the wardrobe waiting to be delivered to the charity shop. He is delighted. I am not. On a positive note it has drawn his attention away from the packing…

11.45am
Mr Dotty is home. A little spot of ear-chewing may be in order (to those who don’t understand the phrase ‘having one’s ears chewed off’ – it is the opposite of the erotic image you have in your mind).

12.15pm
Finding a way to last the day without a nap will have to wait until tomorrow. I do love Mr Dotty and I don’t want to be put into prison for a very long time, so I shall snuggle down for an hour or so and I am sure that after that all will be well.

2pm
I think we are going to have to build ’siesta time’ into Mr Dotty’s new business plan. As I shall be writing it, it shouldn’t be too difficult. I’ll have to think of some code-word to fool the bank manager. As it happens, I really should have stayed in bed, had a lovely cup of tea and read my book. Between 2pm and 7pm everything I did, or attempted to do was undone, subverted or hidden by the Wees. Mr Dotty didn’t help by unloading everything that I had carefully packed into the car on the premise of checking that I had packed everything that I should have. Oh, and did I really mean to pack this particular coat, etc, etc….

7pm
The Wees are bathed and in bed. I set about gathering up all the ‘old’ toys (which have been played more with this afternoon than ever they were before), and hiding them again. Then Wee2 surfaces. ‘What are you doing now, Mummy?’ ‘Nothing, go to sleep.’ ‘It’s too dark in my room, Mummy.‘ ‘You’ve just asked me to turn the light off – go to bed: NOW.’ Wee1 joins in. ‘What did you say, Mummy?‘. ‘Nothing’. ‘But you did say something – I heard you…‘ Wee2: ‘But Mummy. I love you, please can I sleep with you?’ Wee1: ‘What was that?‘ ‘NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!’. Wee1: ‘It was something. I heard. Why can’t Wee2 sleep with you? He usually does…‘ ‘I am still trying to pack.’ Wee1 & Wee2: ‘Why, Mummy?‘.

7.30pm
I send a very eager Mr Dotty to the shop for some beer and chocolate. I devour the chocolate (sadly soft and not quite right, but the need is greater than the time needed to chill it), and steal a beer.
I do not drink. The beer is GOOD.