I am in a reflective mood…

I should mention that today was Wee2’s 4th birthday. We had a quiet day with just the right ingredients to make it a happy day for the little one. His requests for presents included a Transformer (Wee1 likes them), swimming goggles, a shelf and a torch. Cleverly Mr Dotty found a wind-up torch in the camping section of the supermarket, so there is at least one toy which won’t eat batteries. Big Smartie point to Mr Dotty xxx!

We have recently returned from a less than successful trip to Orkney. Orkney itself was beautiful – in the rather bleak and raw way that Orkney is. The deserted clean beaches were lovely – but we missed other children for the Wees to play with. Granny and Grandpa spent little time with the Wees, our parenting skills seemed under scrutiny and found lacking, and it was all rather a shame.

To compound the lethargy which accompanies a dissatisfaction which cannot easily be overcome, I have gained weight and girth. I am convex where I should be concave (OK should be flat, but would really really like to be concave). I am spilling over where I should be filling out. I have decided to try running: but it is to be our secret. I am telling no-one. I have found a free podcast called “Couch to 5K” and I intend to try it out tomorrow morning. There are a few obstacles I can see along the road: the only time I can do this activity is first thing in the morning. Since I gave up work and being given large sums of dosh to catch flights at crazy hours, I am incapable of getting out of bed before I am kicked out. I have never been a successful fitness runner. Since having the Wees I have unfeasibly large breasts (what they tell you about breast-feeding is not true): there is no sports bra which can hope to constrain the darlings – maybe I shall steal some of Mr Dotty’s duct tape.

I have started drinking alcohol again. I say this, not as an alcoholic confession, but that I have found it (particularly during the holiday!) to be a useful relaxant, which also tastes quite yummy. This will also have contributed to the weight gain I am sure….

I am worried that I will not be able to maintain my new-re-found vegetarianism. I am yearning flesh. I stare at it in the fridge and it winks at me, wriggles suggestively, and promises to elevate my mood. Chorizo is the worst. Thank goodness we have no Parma ham in. I am cooking roast chicken tomorrow. God help me…

My last ‘gripe’ is that I have to (PLEASE excuse the phrase) sort my life out. I mean that quite literally. I am spurred on to do more than merely exist as a housewife and mother only to collapse at the end of the day. I know that I can be the mother I want to be, but also be ME too. To do that means organisation. I really loathe housework: the day-in-day-out kind, and the only way I can manage it is to have a list that I have to stick to. I need to clear shelves ready for my OU books. I need to find time for a new project (Melrose Community Cooperative is the working title) and I need to help Mr Dotty set up his new business. I also have to keep me healthy and happy – so that means time for tapping here.

As you see – lots to reflect upon!